Kick Me
Games Fascists Play: The Psychology of Supremacy
A fascist may be defined as a person who has no respect for living tissue and regards it as his prey. This arrogant attitude is no doubt a relic of the prehistory of the human race, still surviving in the gusto of cannibalism and the joys of massacre. [i]
-Eric Berne, What Do You Say After You Say Hello?
KICK ME
Set up: Please Kick Me, so I can let you have it! I will seek revenge to get rid of you in the name of “self-defense”.
Clinical explanation: In the supremacist version of the Kick Me game, White consciously sets up a social situation whereby White will be criticized, denigrated, or critiqued. In Transactional Analysis terminology, White is getting ready or provoking a Kick. This ulterior motive reveals the supremacist aspect of the game: Kick Me, so I can let you have it! When Black complies with White’s request, White Kicks back in retaliation.
The emotional payoff is White feels self-righteous and justified. This is due to their arrogant life position: I’m OK, You’re Not-OK. Therefore, revenge and getting rid of the person is proclaimed as “self-defense.” At the nation-state level, the response is in the name of “national security.” This is White’s con: they secretly want Black to Kick them to obtain license to exterminate Black. The clinical version (driven by ego) aids the reader in understanding the political game (driven by empire). For example, the Nazis desire to build empire via the extermination of Jews, Communists, socialists, homosexuals, etc.
Original game: The Kick Me game has its origins from time immemorial: apes provoke their relatives to play it and children provoke and retaliate against their siblings and parent figures. Furthermore, with a slight grin, toddlers will hold a fixed gaze with their caregivers before intentionally dropping or throwing food on the floor (“whoopsies!”).
Eric Berne described Kick Me as a depressive and submissive game as compared to the War game version of Kick Me. He used a pointed analogy to represent the dynamics of the game. Imagine an anxious person walking into a party wearing a sweatshirt with the words “Please Don’t Kick Me” on the front. The metaphorical sweatshirt implies that the person is knowingly or unknowingly provoking Black. Therefore, White creates distress and anger in their social environment: they set up Black to give them what White can then interpret as a Kick. The payoff is feeling “bad” about themselves and a status of inferiority.
In the original Kick Me game, if the people in the environment kindly restrain themselves from White’s provocations, White’s behavior “becomes more and more provocative.” This occurs until the Kick Me player “transgresses the limits and forces them to oblige.” [ii] The temptation to Kick is immeasurable in hard players. The form of the Kick could be bullying, criticizing, name-calling, mocking, or humiliating the person. When the natural course of mammalian history occurs, White cries, “But the shirt says don’t Kick Me!” White falls into a passive role filled with resentment. [iii] The melancholic version is There I Go Again. [iv]
A teenager and their parents entered Dr. Black’s office for an initial consultation for therapy services. In direct view, the youthful White grabbed a large handful of complimentary mints from the lobby. The provocation was visible and therefore intentional for the parties present in the environment.
Later, during the consultation with White and White’s parents, White slurped from a beverage and when they finished the drink they began loudly chewing on the straw. In a flash, White’s irritated father (Black) delivered the Kick: “Knock it off!” White froze with shame, which was the emotional payoff. White’s facial expression read, “This Always Happens To Me.”
Unenlightened Zen teachers are baited into Kick Me games with their ignorant students. The Kick Me game is illustrated with the kōan or mondō, which are dialogues of Master and student. For example, when provoked by White (student), the Master (Black) will grab their nose or “moo” like a cow as a creative way to step out of the game (intuitive knowledge). The enigmatic or unsensible response leaves the student or monk in despair: “Why Does This Always Happen To Me?”
More specifically, a spiritual teacher plays the role of Black as the student or monk (White) tries to con them into the game. For example, White knocks on Black’s front door. When Black answers the door, White says, “Clear my mind! I ask you to direct me!” Intuiting the ignorance of White, Master Black responds with, “I have a stick here for you!” Before White can walk through the door, Master Black strikes him with a stick. [v] This Enlightenment game seizes to be a game when there is the absence of a separate ego and therefore no ulterior motive in the encounter (see Zen games). Here we encounter intimacy: there is no White, no Black, and no “thing” not White and not Black. Instead, everything at once or direct, nonconceptual experience, i.e., “emptiness.”
Thesis: Eric Berne wrote that two things have remained unchanged in the last 5,000 years. Regardless of genetics or environmental and social influences, “certain “genocidal” aspects of human nature” remain within the masses, i.e., The Little Fascist. This perpetuates the “prejudice against darker people” that “has persisted unchanged since the dawn of recorded time.”
The other is “search and destroy” warfare. [vi]
From a psychological perspective, warfare satisfies the archaic prey drive of the human animal: craving for flesh and blood. Fascism is always regressive. Berne (1972) states that “This became the essence of fascism—a roving band seeking male or female prey to torment or deride—whose art lay in probing for the victim’s weakness.” [vii] Therefore, the Black and Brown shirts were roving bands begging to be Kicked, so they could burn down shit and terrorize union activists and Communists, i.e., search and destroy.
On the surface, the War game version of Kick Me is two-handed. The 120,000 Japanese in American concentration camps and the U.S. firebombing of Japan after World War I was already over, and Israel’s game with the Palestinian people, are both meant to get rid of Others (exterminate). On each side of the Kick Me conflict, there is the perception of a Persecutor, which is a concealed motivation for White. For example, in February of 2022, Western media proclaimed that Russia (bad) was persecuting Ukraine (good) for the illegal invasion. This Media game narrative manufactured consent for the U.S.-led NATO proxy war against Russia. The Media deception and ulterior motive is understood based on what is left out: the chapter on the 2014 U.S. coup of Ukraine and the NATO encroachment of Russia (see Occupation game). From the perspective of Russia, the Special Military Operation was a means and ends to denazification and a push-back to NATO encroachment.
Left out is that the Russia-Ukraine war is at least a three-handed game: the U.S. is a proxy operating in the Connection role, i.e., the source of supply, with the military-industrial-complex. In Berne’s “Alcoholic” game, the Connection supplies the liquor or elicit substance to the Alcoholic or Addict role. The Connection does this without chastisement of the “Alcoholic.” As the Connection role in a three-handed game, the U.S. militarily arms White or Black with bombs and propaganda to ensure White and Black battle (see UGOFIGHT and Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch!). In the original game “Alcoholic” game, the Connection—as liquor store clerk or bartender—knows when to stop serving White:
The difference between the Connection and the other players is the difference between professionals and amateurs in any game: the professional knows when to stop. At a certain point a good bartender refuses to serve the Alcoholic, who is then left without any supplies unless he can locate a more indulgent Connection. [viii]
The U.S. military is unprofessional in its role of indulgence for warmaking. They do not know when to stop serving White (Israel) or Black (Ukraine). Provocation and accusation are the moves in the War game that allow for indulgence in the sweet nectar of violence and profits.
Aim: Berne’s original Kick Me ends with White feeling a familiar depressive feeling. The War game version of Kick Me ends with a self-righteous act to get rid of Black. A game with a longstanding patient of Dr. Black’s illustrates the latter form of Kick Me. The female patient with intermittent depressive episodes and on-going anxiety would repeatedly discuss her problematic employment situation with Dr. Black. In weekly sessions, she would play an occupational version of Ain’t It Awful (see Media games). Her concealed motivation was the desire for sympathy and social recognition. The internal projection is captured in the slogan, “See how-hard I’ve Tried!” (see Zen games).
After several meetings of this variety, Dr. Black was hooked on her initial con. Dr. Black was unaware of her desire for sympathetic nurturing and affirmation. The bait was mistakenly taken, which is referred to as the gimmick. This was the set up to the supremacist version of Kick Me. In response to how Awful her job was, Dr. Black replied with what he mistakenly thought was intuition: “You want to start your own business.” After all, for months White had been conveying to Dr. Black, “Ain’t My Job Awful?”
Upon the start of the next therapy session, White opened from the one-down Victim role. She said Dr. Black had been mad at her and aggressive during the previous session: “I’ve never had a session like that before!” White then switched to the Persecutor role: “Last session you were a dick!” Israel played the Victim role after October 7th, 2023, despite stealing the land and occupying the Palestinians (an offensive position, not defensive). Additionally, the Media aided in false claims of Hamas beheading babies as well as mass rape and torture of women. The fact that Israeli Defense Force (IDF)—operating the Hannibal Directive—killed about half of the casualties originally attributed to Hamas allows Israel to switch from the Victim to the Persecutor role and rage “war” against occupied, sovereign-less, and relatively defenseless people.
Dr. Black recalls being triggered and confused upon White’s provocation. In hindsight, it felt like a strong Kick and that he had succumbed to an “intelligence failure” (9/11). The sensation in the body was familiar. It was a relic of a “bad” feeling whereby Dr. Black had done something “wrong.” Furthermore, White said she felt “pushed” and “attacked” during the session. This verbal bombardment was justified as self-defense. This licensed her to play Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch! Therefore, the Kick, often in the form of a Critique, authorized White to retaliate. A tit-for-tat war strategy.
Dr. Black’s psychological shove was a form of confrontation with White. A confrontation, if it is potent and crystallized, disarms the patient. Dr. Black’s sense of being triggered was noted in the documentation of the session; “She became the aggressor toward writer.” (War game). What was missed at the time was the third player in the game: the Connection role.
White’s husband was a wise figure who sympathized and offered fatherly support to the younger White. He especially did this when she would say that she was Kicked. Therefore, the Connection would act from the Rescuer role. So, in the session noted above, White tearfully and falsely claimed, “You told me I should quit my job!” This was a false claim not unlike babies being taken out of incubators (Kuwait), weapons of mass destruction (Iraq), and gassing one’s own people (Iran) to justify war.
The Media game form supports the military narrative to elicit drama and support for White and the Connection: “Who wouldn’t retaliate with bombing?” Based on support from the Connection, White was given license to fight back. Dr. Black said that the child-like part of her “wanted” to start her own business, but her risk-aversive faculties would not allow her to do so. White’s false claim was established between White and the Connection. Her sympathetic husband was proximal to the therapy session and not actually present. Therefore, he was triangulated into the process and thus creating more drama.
White’s maneuver can also be seen as a two-handed and first-degree version of Rapo (see Capitalism games). After her initial Ain’t It Awful seduction, White switched from the Victim to the Persecutor role. She basically told Dr. Black to “Buzz off Buster.” This is a complimentary game to Kick Me. Recall the wise husband who played the Connection role. He preceded her in birth by well over a decade and White met him when he was her occupational superior. So, the “Buzz off Buster” reified her social conditioning: Men Are Beasts. The set up to the game is a maneuver to restore a sense of homeostasis: “Men are mean and tyrannical, so I better marry my father!” From a psychological perspective, White was telling Dr. Black, “You’re just like the rest of them—no good.” [ix]
White’s final maneuver was to take control of the therapy program and get rid of Dr. Black. This was payback for his alleged attack. On the social level she said, “I think this is the last session.” On the psychological level, she said “Thanks for Kicking Me, You Son of a Bitch!” Dr. Black’s passing thought was, “I’m Only Trying To Help You.” (see Enlightenment game).
Antithesis: In psychotherapy, the antithetical move with the Kick Me player is to be a benevolent parent figure. The maneuver is referred to as Kiss ‘Em. For example, instead of the patient perceiving a sneak attack in the form of a verbal bombing, Dr. Black withholds a confrontational Critique of White. Instead, what is offered is sincerity and mercy. Despite the provocations, Dr. Black paradoxically offers compassion and benevolence to “disarm” the patient. Below is one example of waving the white flag:
Therapist: One of the things I’ve always liked about you is the honest and open way you express your feelings. [x]
The therapist’s benevolence and mercy disallow the emotional payoff White is seeking. War games are played from a place of supremacy. In Berne’s original Kick Me game, White plays from a one-down status. Therefore, the fascistic version of Kick Me is not a depressive one played from the Victim role. The perception of verbal violence leads to an emotional payoff of self-righteousness: “You were a dick!” she cried.
In the cultural-political dimension, consider Eric Harris, the mastermind behind the 1999 Columbine tragedy (see Mass Shooter). Harris saw himself as a god. He sought a revolution through the extermination of feeble-minded humans. The innocent victims would play the Victim role in his destructive game. Prior to the Columbine massacre, with classmates and friends, Harris would “punctuate his high fives with “Sieg Heil” or “Heil Hitler”.” [xi] He also dawned provocational T-shirts with German phrases. Harris would draw swastikas on his high school papers. Harris also dressed as a fascist leader in dawning jackboots and military-styled uniforms. [xii]
Imagine White yelling “Sieg Heil” after getting a strike in a bowling alley or quoting Hitler and obsessing on concentration camps. The necessity to Kick the gameplayer would be almost irresistible. At Columbine, Harris’s behavior wore thin on his friends and allowed him to collect injustices. [xiii] However, this fueled Harris’s rage and sense of superiority to occupy a self-righteous Persecutor role. He would arrogantly murder rather than submitting to a Victim role. Instead of the depressive, This Always Happens To Me, the exhibitionistic nature of the attack reveals, They Will Be Glad They Knew Me.
As witnessed in Mass Shooter, the War game dynamic of Kick Me is the Victim to Persecutor role switch. White obtains guns, ammunition, and bombs to acquire a one-up status (superiority). The climactic action results in Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch! (NIGYSOB!). This violent revenge is meant to get rid of people. Because White believes themselves to be superior to Black, White’s sense of being Kicked authorizes retaliation.
At the nation-state level, this justified retaliation is used to authorize permanent wars, overturning democratically elected governments, and the promotion of regime change (War games). For example, the Israeli government and security forces provoke attacks by Hamas. Recall, Hamas is the political group Israel funded to split the vote with the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO). Israel needs Hamas to Kick them back to justify the NIGYSOB! response. Israel wears a T-shirt that reads, “Please Do Kick Me.” The Kick from Black appears to be an act of “terrorism” if one does not understand that White maintains the initiative by occupying Black (see Occupation). This authorizes Israel to play NIGYSOB! in the name of “self-defense” based on a security or “intelligence failure.”
On the social level, Kick Me appears to be a two-handed game, as with Dr. Black and patient White (above). Left out of the equation—as with Russia and Ukraine in February of 2022—is the Connection role. The U.S. military-industrial complex plays the Connection role for global arms sales (“USA! USA!”). Here, the aim is the extermination or to get rid of Black via “justifiable” retaliations. Fire Dr. Black or carpet bomb Gaza. The triangulation of White, Black, and the Connection is centered on the economic alliance of Black with the Connection, i.e., “Aid packages.” [xiv] In actuality, the Connection is playing a proxy game titled UGOFIGHT. Like the relationship of Israel to the Palestinians, on the individual level, Eric Harris desired a Final Solution for his revolution. In his journals he outlined his extermination plans: “KILL MANKIND.” [xv]
ANALYSIS
Thesis: “Please Kick Me, so I can get rid [exterminate] of you.”
Antithesis: Kiss ‘Em game. Create peace through appropriate responses with the application of friendliness (no-self) and mercy.
Aim: Extermination through violence in the name of “self-defense.”
Roles: Victim to Persecutor switch. Connection role.
Dynamics: Self-righteousness and self-defense.
Examples: (1) patient to therapist: “You attacked me.” (2) nation-state to occupied people: “They attacked us.”
[i] p. 268, Berne, E. (1972). What do you say after you say hello?: The psychology of human destiny. New York: Grove Press, Inc.
[ii] p. 83, Berne, E. (1964). Games people play: The psychology of human relationships. New York, NY: Grove Press, Inc.
[iii] p. 83, Berne, E. (1964). Games people play: The psychology of human relationships. New York, NY: Grove Press, Inc.
[iv] p. 88, Berne, E. (1964). Games people play: The psychology of human relationships. New York, NY: Grove Press, Inc.
[v] p. 81, Blyth, R. H., Sohl, R. and Carr, A., editors (1976). Games Zen masters play: Writings of R.H. Blyth. The New American Library: New York.
[vi] p. 270, Berne, E. (1972). What do you say after you say hello?: The psychology of human destiny. New York: Grove Press, Inc.
[vii] p. 269, Berne, E. (1972). What do you say after you say hello?: The psychology of human destiny. New York: Grove Press, Inc.
[viii] p. 73, Berne, E. (1964). Games people play: The psychology of human relationships. New York, NY: Grove Press, Inc.
[ix] p. 158, Berne, E. (1971). Sex in human loving. New York: Simon & Schuster.
[x] p. 397, James, M. and contributors (1977). Techniques in transactional analysis: for psychotherapists and counselors. Massachusetts: Addison-Wesley Publishing Company.
[xi] p. 18, Cullen, D. (2009). Columbine. Twelve: New York.
[xii] p. 4, Editor, Rosenfield, G. D. & Editor, Ward, J. (Eds.). (2023). Fascism in America: Past and present. Cambridge University Press: New York.
[xiii] p. 266, Cullen, D. (2009). Columbine. Twelve: New York.
[xiv] This New York Times article illustrates George Orwell’s slogan from Nineteen Eighty-four: War is peace. Nation-state security is established by arming allies. The Editorial Board. (2023, December 10). “An Aid Package That Invests in U.S. Security Goals.” The New York Times newspaper. Also, retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/08/opinion/ukraine-aid-border-security.html.
[xv] p. 258, Cullen, D. (2009). Columbine. Twelve: New York. “Eric had a grander vision. All his writing alluded to a wider slaughter: killing everything, destroying the human race. In a passionate journal entry a month later, he would cite the Nazis’ Final Solution: “kill them all. well in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I say ‘KILL MANKIND.’”